Kagro in the Morning

It’s Elon Musk is Going to Hell™ Day on KITM! It’s true! I mean, it really is that day, anyway. Though perhaps every day is that day. But what we’re really interested in is his ETA. The New York Times connects with a one-two combination today. First, Elon is a huge druggie. And second, that his legacy is starving 300,000 kids to death. His “boss,” meanwhile, shows us what happens when you apply White Panic Central Park Five thinking to immigration. For all the claims that they would target “criminals,” hardly any of the Venezuelans sent to CECOT have any record at all. Looks like the “worst of the worst” is another Every Republican Accusation is a Confession™ situation! But what can I tell you? Actually governing is hard work. Dan Boingoboingo is learning that as we speak! So that must be why the government has to make sure to hire only loyalist drones. And get all of its “intelligence” only from loyalist drones. And as back-up to all that, nominate to the bench only… more loyalist drones. Hey, remember that plane Qatar was “gifting” to Trump? Well, they might be stuck with the framing, but Qatar isn’t ready to put up with the supposed “transfer” to his “library.” Qatar wants to set the record straight! From the “It’d be Irresponsible Not to Speculate” files: It used to sound crazy to wonder whether the president of the United States was holding up a vaccine’s development in order to be cut in on the profits. Is that still the case?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin recalled that today was Wednesday, and many more useful and interesting things on today’s KITM: MAGA didn’t just move the Overton Window, they... threw it out the window. We now expect a punch in the face over a handshake. We expect losers to win, winners to lose, enemies to have our back, and fools to inform us. How much should politicians follow political consultants and polls? Well, let’s consult the numbers with this expert! Like no other president before him, Donald K. Trump feels the pain of jury-convicted celebrity tax-cheats and fraudsters who hate Joe Biden and arrange to give him $1 million or more up front. Poor Elon! The only way Musk would ever get a Starship to Mars is if he took the stick and flew it himself. MAHA! A-ha! “Ah... No” say the different factions of crazy in health nuts. Honky Tonk Man wanted to be the “El Kabong” of WWF, but he was more like the “JD Vance” ... who btw has Jeb Bush charisma wrapped in Steven Miller whimsicality. Meanwhile, Senate Democrats could do something, if only Senate Democrats did things. People who do fight Trump, do win.

It's Memorial Day, so Greg & I are having a BBQ breakfast, and knocking off for the day. But I thought you might like a little something to play in the background, if you're grilling breakfast, too. How about something from back when That F-ing Guy was The Former Guy, and a criminal defendant, to boot? Here's how things looked last year, at about this time: David Waldman has had enough grilling and hammocking, back to the microphone! Closing arguments have begun in the People of New York vs. Orange J. Turd, and well, he might not be as easy to flush as one would think standing outside the stall. Once reelected, fake electors plan to fake elections better. The Washington Post buried the Alito upside-down flag story for three years, because who doesn’t signal international distress when attacked by passive-aggressive lawn signs? Martha-Ann Alito ran a “novelty flag” up the pole to show reporters she wasn’t one to trifle with. Who knows what novelty flag she chose, it would depend on which county fair she bought it at. None of that explains the Alito Pine-Solflag at their beach home. In order to understand that, and the fast growing New Apostolic Reformation Christain Nationalist movement, you need not just one, but two comprehensive guides on hand. The Texas GOP platform calls for the Bible in schools, and for Texas dirt to have more of a vote than urban Blacks. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on Sarah Leach, a West Michigan newspaper editor who tried to staff a dozen understaffed newsrooms before her employer, Gannett, fired her. Pumping out pink slime isn’t just cheaper, but no employees are more tractable than any employees. Ohio Republicans are having fun keeping Joe Biden off the presidential ballot. Governor Mike DeWine might be an Ohio Gop, but as with COVID, he’s no idiot.

David Waldman throws the news at us and dives for cover. Greg Dworkin tells us that the worst is by design, and he brings the receipts from around the world. Trump makes the world safe for White flight. Donald stopped the war between India and Pakistan using only his mind. He is now wishing the war in Gaza to end. Who’s Ukraine? Maybe they got him coffee one time. South Korea’s conservatives throw everything up in the air to see if it all falls into place. Germany wishes to ignore their far-right, but they are a noisy bunch. After 40 years, the Kurdish group PKK says, “Oh well, it was worth a try.” In Virginia, they have no one to blame but themselves but probably won’t. So, Qatar is sending Trump a giant golden palace of a 747. Hey, can’t a country give their buddy a thing without everyone suddenly questioning it? The White House said Ceci n'est pas une émolument, or something to that effect. Anyhow, Trump is only borrowing it until he keeps it... that’s not “corrupt”, it’s called “being smart”. You’d have to be a radical Left Trump hater to say otherwise. Trump said “tariffs”, setting off another sheep stampede. Time for another executive order to yell at another cloud, this time to demand that prices go down from up where they are. Drug prices should go down once the customer base passes away. James Bond still can rest easy, his car shopping remains tariff-free. Insult to Nazis, Steven Miller, is thinking about suspending habeas corpus, inspiring fantasies of abusing his corpus. David explains habeas corpus, as does just about everyone with a keyboard this morning. We have always been at war with Eastasia. Newark Mayor Ras Baraka refused to take the bait at an ICE detention center, but that didn’t keep them from arresting him. He’s lucky they didn’t send in Seal Team 6.

Today, David Waldman reports that the Pope is Catholic. The results of the KITM investigation into the bears of our local woods will be revealed on Monday’s show. 100% of the world’s supply of Popes is now proudly made in the USA. (Available in S, M, & L.) White Sox fan Bob Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV, a new chosen name and identity most won’t have trouble respecting. The Antichrist is laying low at the moment, but the Pope is already on the record with his biases, which to some theologians don’t ring patriotic. Anyhow, Leo now has an advantage in future Thanksgiving table family arguments. Oops! The USS Harry S. Truman lost its third F/A-18 Super Hornet. Well, it has a pretty good idea of where they left them... Ever since Pete Hegseth decided to replace every 100 soldiers with a gorilla, things just haven’t been quite the same. Pete can return to drowning all his troubles with fellow former Fox host Jeanine Pirro, now interim U.S. attorney in Washington, D.C. There’s got to be some ambassadorship left somewhere for Ed Martin. Team Trump looked around and says, “Wait, are we the baddies?” Then said, “Meh” and broke for lunch. Laura Loomer wants to begin actual witch hunts. Trump Surgeon General pick Janette Nesheiwat had a troubled youth, with just a touch of patricide. Trump doesn’t know why he makes these decisions, maybe Bobby told him to. RFK Jr.’s former running mate thinks perhaps Bob’s mind is being controlled. The FBI will be investigating Trump prosecutors for whatever they accused Trump on. The EPA will discontinue the Energy Star program, after all, who trusts what the government says anymore?