Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? An on-again, off-again couple in their fifties, dating in a post-divorce landscape, are struggling with different world views, priorities and sexual interests. Recognizing that their polarized dynamic takes the fun out of spending time together, Esther guides both towards less rigid perspectives. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Their relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in. Topic - Conflict & Polarization Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Am I too much?" is a consistent frame for a relationship that so many people come to Esther with. This week, a Southern preacher who has made a career out of tending to the needs of others wonders if she's too much or not enough in her romantic relationships. Esther guides her to explore her sense of self-worth and ask for what she needs. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Esther talks with a young divorcée about the challenges of co-parenting with her ex-husband while wrestling with feelings of anger and frustration. They explore the impact of her past traumas and the difficulties in communication that have led to this strained relationship and how to evolve for the sake of her kids. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

She feels abandoned by him, he feels choked by her, and their marriage is at a tipping point. They are a couple so focused on their kids that they have lost their connection and their sense of self. Despite creating a life story where family is the center of everything, they feel completely alone. Can Esther help them write a new story? Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomorrow. To watch the video of this episode go to https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel/podcasts To watch Amy Webb's 2025 Emerging Tech Trend Report from SXSW visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT33_MrqyHo To read Frederik Pferdt's book What's Next is Now: How to Live Future Ready visit https://whatsnextisnowthebook.com Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? A young couple has endured a series of crises early in their marriage, from a benign brain tumor to a serious car crash to the husband’s near-fatal heart attack. Following his recovery, he’s adapting to new physical limitations, while she says the children bear the brunt of his frustrations. Esther coaches them through an honest conversation on anger, parenthood and the power of apology. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Esther speaks to a woman who has been estranged from her father for almost two years for reasons she can’t quite figure out. Despite multiple attempts on her end to reconcile, she is now trying to grieve the loss of her still very much-alive father. Esther helps her unravel questions about starting her own family amidst this painful cutoff. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Esther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a life defined by fear and distance. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sexual preferences demand a lot of trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. This week, Esther talks with a couple who are refreshingly open and honest about their fantasies. But after 15 years of marriage, his fetish is no longer her pleasure. Esther helps them uncover the underlying emotional needs driving their fantasies and encourages them to seek a broader and more emotionally connected sexual repertoire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They had a whirlwind romance, and he spun a tale of their future to come—marriage, kids, a life together. He's in his mid-forties, and she is in her late thirties, and so after only three months together, she is pregnant, and they have broken up. Now, Esther meets her the month after their breakup and tries to help her illuminate a path forward. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Should we have tried harder to make this work? What if you're the one who got away? These are the questions that keep us up at night. This week, Esther helps a couple who were together for eight years and broke up a year ago. They've recently reconnected and wonder if they should give it another try. If they do, can they avoid falling into their old dynamics and truly learn to listen to each other? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here. For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad-free version of all the episodes. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, a caller wonders if she’s sexually compatible with her partner or if they’ve just become too adherent to their sexual patterns. Esther helps her untangle the traumatic pieces from her past before her current relationship that are informing the anxiety she feels when her partner initiates sex. This episode contains references to a sexual assault. Please take care listening. For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad-free version of all the episodes. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A young woman notices a pattern in her life of frequently being ghosted. And the last time this happened, it really stung. Not only did she lose a lover but she lost an important friend. Did this friend with benefits ghost her or did she miss something? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad free version of all the episodes. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After becoming a mother for the first time, a young woman reflects on the complicated relationship with her own mother. Esther guides her through establishing boundaries with grace, breaking generational cycles, and the importance of self-acceptance. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. This week, Esther talks to a woman stricken with grief--one year ago, her sister and father died in quick succession. Her remaining family was torn apart and she feels left to pick up the pieces on her own. Esther walks her through how to make space for the immeasurable grief. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Esther’s two new courses on desire are now available inside The Desire Bundle. Go to https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle to learn more about Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. Oftentimes, our sexual fantasies exist in this space and reveal us at our most bare, showing us not just what we want sexually, but what we want emotionally and psychologically. Even with a loving partner, it can be difficult to share our most personal sexual fantasies. There's often shame, stigma, and a fear of being judged. Award-winning actress, Gillian Anderson, joins Esther to discuss Want, her collection of women's anonymous fantasies from around the world. To purchase Gillian Anderson's new book, Want: https://bit.ly/3O8CVcZ If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Esther’s two new courses on desire are now available inside The Desire Bundle. Go to https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle to learn more about Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A year after explosive revelations of cheating and the existence of a 14 year old son her partner never told her about, a woman receives a call about a fresh round of betrayal. She is humiliated and in crisis, while her partner’s ability to compartmentalize has rendered him a ghost in his own life. They love each other and parent two boys but may not be able to find a shared reality in which to move forward. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Esther’s two new courses on desire are now available inside The Desire Bundle. Go to https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle to learn more about Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices