Terrible, Thanks For Asking

In case you didn't know, we're still making two episodes a month for our Patreon and Apple Plus subscribers. We wanted to give all of our listeners a little preview of our most recent episode! Consider joining our Patreon to listen to the rest of the episode(or watch the episode!), get additional bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. (Or, if you’re an Apple Podcast listener, you can sign up for TTFA Premium right in the app!) _ Three years ago we published a TTFA episode called ‘Don’t You Want Somebody To Take Care Of You?’, an interview with Gina Demillo Wagner about her experience growing up in a dysfunctional family and being a caregiver as a child. Gina’s brother Alan had a rare genetic disorder that caused him to veer from loving to violent. His illness put stress on the entire family, including her parents, whose mental illnesses went untreated. Since that episode, Gina’s written a book about this experience called Forces of Nature: A Memoir of Family, Loss and Finding Home. On this episode, Gina and Nora catch up about writing the book, how writing helped her process and how some of the Real Housewives helped give her the courage to cut off contact with some family members. _ Please send us your questions and comments about this episode or any other! You can email us at ttfapremium@feelingsand.co or leave us a voicemail at 612-568-4441. — Check us out on YouTube. Find all our shows and more at feelingsand.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In case you didn't know, we're still making two episodes a month for our Patreon and Apple Plus subscribers. We wanted to give all of our listeners a little preview of our most recent episode! Consider joining our Patreon to listen to the rest of the episode(or watch the episode!), get additional bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. (Or, if you’re an Apple Podcast listener, you can sign up for TTFA Premium right in the app!) _ Have you thought at some point in your adult life, I wish I had more friends? Maybe you moved to a new city, saw your social life dwindle after having kids, or spent all your time and energy on your romantic relationships. No matter how you got there, trying to make friends as an adult is a really hard task! To try and help us all be better friends, we called in an expert: Marisa Franco is a professor and studies and writes about friendship and human connection. She is the author of Platonic: How the science of attachment can help you make- and keep- friends. Marisa and Nora discuss how important friendships are to our mental health and how we can all strengthen our friendships. Please send us your questions and comments about this episode or any other! You can email us at ttfapremium@feelingsand.co or leave us a voicemail at 612-568-4441. — Check us out on YouTube. Find all our shows and more at feelingsand.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In case you didn't know, we're still making two episodes a month for our Patreon and Apple Plus subscribers. We wanted to give all of our listeners a little preview of our most recent episode! Consider joining our Patreon to listen to the rest of the episode(or watch the episode!), get additional bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. (Or, if you’re an Apple Podcast listener, you can sign up for TTFA Premium right in the app!) _ Earlier this year we did a bonus episode showcasing obituaries from your dead loved ones. Nora cried throughout the entire episode, so we wanted to do it again! There were so many obituaries we couldn’t read the first time, so we’re honored to share more of your beautiful loved ones and we wanted to give all of our listeners a little preview of that bonus episode! It’s truly an honor to learn about all of the people you loved, so thank you for sharing them with us. _ Here’s the full article from Shiri, who wrote about the abortion she had to save her son’s life. _ Also, check out Nora on YouTube. _ Please send us your questions and comments about this episode or any other! You can email us at ttfapremium@feelingsand.co or leave us a voicemail at 612-568-4441. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Subscribe to TTFA Anthologies here. This is an episode about two letters. One of those is the letter Jim left for his wife, Annie, before he died by suicide. The second is the letter Annie wrote to Jim after his death — and as she dealt with her own mental health issues and suicidality in the wake of it. When someone dies by suicide, people want it to be someone’s fault, so they can (hopefully) feel less like it’s their fault. But the thing is … it’s never anyone’s fault. _ Terrible, Thanks for Asking tells the real stories of real people who have lived through the terrible things in life. TTFA Anthologies are a curated collection of some of our best stories; released in seasons that focus on a specific topic. You can find our entire episode catalog ad-free on Apple+ or Patreon. – Find Nora’s weekly newsletter here! Also, check out Nora on YouTube. _ The Feelings & Co. team is Nora McInerny, Claire McInerny, Marcel Malekebu and Grace Barry. _ Find all our shows and our store at www.feelingsand.co. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Subscribe to TTFA Anthologies here. Terrible, Thanks for Asking tells the real stories of real people who have lived through the terrible things in life. TTFA Anthologies are a curated collection of some of our best stories; released in seasons that focus on a specific topic. You can find our entire episode catalog ad-free on Apple+ or Patreon. – Find Nora’s weekly newsletter here! Also, check out Nora on YouTube. _ The Feelings & Co. team is Nora McInerny, Claire McInerny, Marcel Malekebu and Grace Barry. _ Find all our shows and our store at www.feelingsand.co. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Years ago, when Nora was in the worst phase of her life (dead husband, dead dad, lost pregnancy) she heard a lot of people describe her as resilient. Those people meant it as a compliment, but to Nora it didn’t feel that way. She was tired, grieving, and lost so much in her life- the “resilience” people saw was often just…the privilege she had to survive it. So when Nora got the new book, The Resilience Myth by Soraya Chemaly, she devoured it. In this episode, Nora and Soraya talk about different ways to think about resiliency and how celebrating it can be a little toxic. We are still on hiatus! But this episode in the main feed was brought to you by our TTFA Premium subscribers. Since the hiatus, we’ve been producing two episodes a month for people who support us on Patreon and Apple Premium (join in your Apple podcast app). If you want more TTFA, consider joining us on one of those platforms. _ Check out Nora on YouTube! __ Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Nora was about to marry her first husband Aaron, they were in the thick of his cancer treatment. So the day before the wedding, she got a small tattoo to remind her to stay in the present moment. This was an excerpt from Nora’s first book, It’s Okay To Laugh (Crying is cool, too) which is available here. _ If you have anxiety, depression or any sense of the world around you, you know that not *everything* is going to be okay. In fact, many things aren’t okay and never will be! But instead of falling into the pit of despair, we’re bringing you a little OK for your day. Every weekday, we’ll bring you one okay thing to help you start, end or endure your day with the opposite of a doom scroll. Created and hosted by Nora McInerny. Find Nora’s weekly newsletter here. We’re on YouTube, with new videos twice a week! Subscribe here. _ “It’s Going To Be OK” is brought to you by The Hartford. The Hartford is a leading insurance provider that connects people and technology for better employee benefits. Learn more at www.thehartford.com/benefits. _ Share your OK thing at 612.568.4441 or by emailing a note or voice memo to IGTBO@feelingsand.co. Start your message with “I’m (name) and it’s going to be okay.” _ The IGTBO team is Nora McInerny, Claire McInerny, Marcel Malekebu, Amanda Romani and Grace Barry. _ The transcript for this episode can be found here. Find all our shows and our store at www.feelingsand.co. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two years ago Julia Winston was asked to help a gay couple start a family by donating her eggs. At the time, she was 38, single, and had no idea if she’d start her own family. Sometimes that made her feel insecure, so the opportunity to donate her eggs allowed her to help create a family, just not the one she imagined in her head. Since the donation, she’s gone through an emotional transformation that opened her eyes to all the different ways a family can look. Julia is the host of Refamulating, the newest podcast from the Feelings and Co universe. Listen to Refamulating now, wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram. _ This is our last episode of Terrible Thanks for Asking for a while. If you want to get new episodes of TTFA through August, consider joining our Patreon. (Or, if you’re an Apple Podcast listener, you can sign up for TTFA Premium right in the app!) Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Foria: Experience your juiciest and deepest sensual experience with a bottle of Foria. FORIA is offering a special deal for our listeners. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/TERRIBLE OR use code TERRIBLE at checkout. I recommend trying their new Massage Oil combined with their Awaken Arousal Oil. You’ll thank me later. BetterHelp: Learn to make time for what makes you happy, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/TTFA today to get 10% off your first month. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As we prepare for our indefinite hiatus, we wanted to remind you that we will still be making TTFA episodes on our Patreon and Apple Premium feeds. If you aren't a premium member, we wanted to show you what kind of episodes we make over there by bringing one of our bonus episodes to the main feed. Recently, we asked listeners to send in obituaries about your dead people, and boy oh boy did you all deliver some gems that made us laugh, cry and reeeeeally want to double fist a Dr. Pepper with a Miller High Life. In this bonus episode, Nora reads some of her favorites. _ Find Nora’s weekly newsletter here. _ We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Foria: Experience your juiciest and deepest sensual experience with a bottle of Foria. FORIA is offering a special deal for our listeners. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/TERRIBLE OR use code TERRIBLE at checkout. I recommend trying their new Massage Oil combined with their Awaken Arousal Oil. You’ll thank me later. BetterHelp: Learn to make time for what makes you happy, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/TTFA today to get 10% off your first month. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In 2015, Sarah Super was raped by her ex-boyfriend Alex Neal. And she channeled that act of violence into a mission-driven organization that helped survivors of sexual violence feel seen and heard. 9 years after the night that changed her life, Sarah reflects on what it means to move forward with her life and to reclaim her identity as more than a survivor. Sarah was a guest on the first season of our podcast. To hear Sarah's original episode, Unbroken, click here. — Want more TTFA? Become a member of our Patreon! Patrons get bonus episodes, invites to monthly office hours with Nora, and access to the full back catalog of episodes. Patrons are the only people who get other perks like discounted live event tickets or opportunities to sit in on an editing session for future episodes. __ Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. __ Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We have a big update about the future of TTFA, and something a lot of you have been asking about since the last episode, where I mentioned *casually* in the credits that we were going to be taking an indefinite hiatus. I wanted to talk more about what that means going forward, and thank all of you for listening and supporting our show. xo, Nora — You can read the transcript of this update here. — We’ll be creating *NEW* episodes on Patreon through August 2024. Consider joining us on Patreon if you want to hear new episodes and access our back catalog. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Newsletters from an abandoned safe deposit box set host Paul Ditty on an investigation to learn all he can about The Silver Chain – a suburban Minnesota swing club from the 1970s – and its members. Minnesota journalist Jack El-Hai paints a picture of what suburban life was like in the 1970s and how this sparked a delayed and secret sexual revolution among middle-aged couples. Paul attempts to reach several of the club's members. No one will talk until finally he reaches Carol. She hangs up on Paul, then eventually agrees to talk. But just as Paul is on his way to Modesto for the interview, an email from Carol’s daughter changes his course. Don't forget to subscribe to the Time Capsule feed wherever you listen to podcasts!Links: Time Capsule Substack TimeCapsulePodcast.com Jack El-Hai's Article See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For years, Nancy could picture her ideal partner. She wanted someone who would make her laugh, who would love her son, and who would make her feel confident and empowered. When she met Noa, he checked all the boxes. Everything she thought other people made up about love suddenly came true. But…this perfect love didn’t last forever. Today we hear from both Nancy and Noa as they perform an autopsy of sorts on their relationship and why it didn’t work. – Listener support makes our independent podcast possible. Consider joining our Patreon to get bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Foria: FORIA is offering a special deal for our listeners. Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/TERRIBLE OR use code TERRIBLE at checkout. Sundays: Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to sundaysfordogs.com/TERRIBLE or use code TERRIBLE at checkout. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the early 1990s, a cache of abandoned newsletters found its way from a safety deposit box in Minneapolis, Minnesota to the state’s historical society, where they were left to gather dust. The newsletters detailed the inner workings of a secret 1970s swingers society: The Silver Chain Social Club. Fifty years later, TV writer and host Paul Ditty tracks down the club’s surviving members to uncover the group’s mysterious history and the ties that connected its members long after the swingers club closed its doors for good. For a deeper look inside Time Capsule, read Paul's newsletter. Learn more about Time Capsule at timecapsulepodcast.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Greetings, loved ones. We’re back with one of our time honored Terrible traditions: The Grudge Book. Sit back, get cozy, bring your petties, and enjoy this selection of listener grudges featuring the wisdom of Nora and Marcel. THEE Bath and Body Works Peach Bellini Rant Video — Listener support makes our independent podcast possible. Consider joining our Patreon to get bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jenni was raised Mormon, and for the first part of her life, was a dutiful follower. She got married young, attended church, and was a loyal wife. But life got messy and complicated for Jenni, and she eventually made a choice that surprised her. A choice considered a sin in her culture, and a pretty hurtful thing to do by the rest of society: she cheated. For the last year, Jenni’s been grappling with the shame and guilt of this choice and how parts of her dating history led to this choice. — Want more TTFA? Become a member of our Patreon! Patrons get bonus episodes, invites to monthly office hours with Nora, and access to the full back catalog of episodes. Patrons are the only people who get other perks like discounted live event tickets or opportunities to sit in on an editing session for future episodes. — Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nora sits down with her friend and fellow podcaster PJ Vogt of Search Engine. They discuss what he found in his own interviews with a drug dealer who used fentanyl in his drug supply. That, plus the original Search Engine episode are included here. If you have not yet listened to this week’s TTFA episode, “86 Sundays,” we suggest you go back and listen so you can see why we were inspired to share this Search Engine episode with you. — Original Search Engine episode description: We speak to Luis, a former fentanyl dealer and user who tells us why a dealer might want to put fentanyl in less lethal drugs. Luis also tells us how he learned the rules of dealing, and how the rules changed over his multi-decade career. If you have questions or comments about this episode, or if you'd like to support the show, head to our newsletter: pjvogt.com. — Listener support makes our independent podcast possible. Consider joining our Patreon to get bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Indeed: Start hiring NOW with a SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLAR SPONSORED JOB CREDIT to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com/TTFA. Offer good for a limited time. Just go to Indeed.com/TTFA and support the show by saying you heard about it on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Feliz lost her sister, Karina, in a horrifying way — in a way that’s quick to draw judgment and condemnation. Feliz has seen the worst of it all, but Karina deserves to be defined by her life, not her death. A warning that this episode includes discussions of drug use and poisoning. Resources: CDC guidelines on how to test drugs for fentanyl Find fentanyl test strips here DrugsData.org provides a rolling update of what's in illicit drugs by geographical area. The data is sent in by strangers, and you might be able to see what’s happening in your city, depending on where you live. The use of NarCan can help prevent an opioid overdose. Check in your local area to find nonprofits that provide training and distribute the medicine. Find how to use NarCan here. — Listener support makes our independent podcast possible. Consider joining our Patreon to get bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Indeed: Start hiring NOW with a SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLAR SPONSORED JOB CREDIT to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com/TTFA. Offer good for a limited time. Just go to Indeed.com/TTFA and support the show by saying you heard about it on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If your holiday season is feeling less sparkly, less warm, less…happy, you’ve come to the right place! Every year we make an episode about the bad, terrible and subpar side of the holidays and this year’s Happyish Holidays episode is a real doozy. Brianna Liestman shares how every Christmas from 2007-2010, a different member of her family ruined Christmas. There are fires, hospital visits, crying at Kay Jewelers and a shopping spree at Hot Topic! The drama is bigger than Santa's sleigh and will give you a laugh or two if you're needing a pick me up this month. Listen to past Happyish Holidays episodes in our back catalog on Patreon. — Happyish Holidays is a “Terrible, Thanks for Asking“ tradition for everyone who has a complicated relationship with the “most wonderful time of the year.” Our live podcast show—hosted by Nora McInerny and with Marcel Malekebu—brought together a blend of audio, video, and in-person holiday magic. The recording of our 2023 show is available for purchase on our Patreon Shop. If you purchased a ticket to the livestream through The Parkway, are a paid subscriber of our Patreon or Substack, or are a paying subscriber of Nora's Substack, check your inboxes for information on your complimentary access to the recording. __ Listener support makes our independent podcast possible. Consider joining our Patreon to get bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, and join a community of Terribles. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — Happyish Holidays is sponsored by Option B. Option B provides practical, compassionate, everyday advice both for those who are facing loss and hardship and for those who want to support their loved ones during life’s hardest moments. When our friends and family are struggling with loss, it’s the absolute WORST. Whether your partner lost a parent, your best friend recently had a miscarriage, or your child is going through a painful divorce, knowing what to do or say over the holidays can leave us feeling helpless and stuck. If you’re feeling unsure of how to help, check out OptionB. There for the Holidays at www.optionb.org/holidays. You’ll find #realtalk holiday cards to send to your family and friends, stories from celebs about how they’ve re-created traditions after loss, and tips you can implement right away on how to show up for your loved ones. Join us at www.optionb.org/holidays and @optionb on Instagram and Facebook for holiday tips and to follow along. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kelly loved her dad, then she lost her dad. Kelly loved her grandpa, then she lost her grandpa. Now that Kelly’s a mom herself, she wants to ensure that her son knows he’s loved, no matter what comes. — We still have a few tickets left for our Happyish Holidays live show in Minneapolis Dec 7. Can't make it to Minneapolis? Buy a ticket to get access to the show's livestream! Tickets are $13 apiece, and FREE for our Patrons! (check your email for more information). If you're not a member of our Patreon, now is a great time to join! For less than a ticket price you can virtually attend the show AND get other member benefits you will love. Our Substack is a great way to connect with us and other listeners (and get more Terrible in your inbox). Join us here. The episode transcript can be found here. — We’re lucky to only work with sponsors and brands we know and love. Using our links and codes saves you money and supports our independent production! Indeed: Start hiring NOW with a $75 SPONSORED JOB CREDIT to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com/TTFA. Offer good for a limited time. Just go to Indeed.com/TTFA and support the show by saying you heard about it on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed. Squarespace: Go to Squarespace.com/TTFA and use offer code TTFA to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You can find our full sponsor list here. — Find all our shows and our store at feelingsand.co. — Find TTFA on social: TTFA on Instagram | TTFA on Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices