Relationship Advice

A negative couples cycle is a recurring pattern of interaction in which partners react to each other’s protective moves, escalating conflict rather than addressing the underlying emotions. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren illustrate how miscommunication and emotional defenses—such as criticism, defensiveness, or withdrawal—reinforce each other in a self-perpetuating loop. By identifying these cycles and understanding the emotions driving them, couples can shift from blame to curiosity, fostering better connection and repair. In the episode, we touch on relationship topics such as: The Root of Negative Cycles Common Protective Moves Emotional Drivers of Conflict Recognizing & Breaking the Cycle Repairing the Cycle Give Me Discounts! Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code “IDO” for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive into the “taboo” topic of sex, offering advice on when to say yes and when to say no. This episode explores how partners can navigate differences in sexual desire by recognizing how things like stress, emotional connection, and personal preferences impact intimacy and why a simple "yes" or "no" isn’t always the best response. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Understanding Individual Preferences Accelerators & Breaks (Turn Ons/Offs) Importance of Communication Counter Offers / Negotiation Creating a Safe Environment Give Me Discounts! Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code “IDO” for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today Colter, Lauren and Cayla dive into boundaries, emphasizing their importance in maintaining personal energy, trust, and healthy relationships. The hosts delve into the pitfalls of rigid or non-existent boundaries, offering strategies to navigate requests thoughtfully while prioritizing individual values and needs. By sharing real-life examples, they highlight how to say "yes," "no," or propose counter-offers based on personal capacity and relational dynamics. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Binary Boundaries: Resentment vs. Guilt Values-Based Decisions Making The Cost of Impulsive Responses Counter Offers: Editing Requests and more! Give Me Discounts! Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code “IDO” for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We hate absolutes, but are pretty confident in saying that every relationship has a pursuer and a withdrawer. In this two part series we are breaking down each of these roles, how to help, how to love, how to communicate. And if there are two podcasts you listen to of ours let this be them! In this episode we discuss: The protective moves that pursuers gravitate towards How pursuers handle conflict How we can love our pursuer partners more How there is a different energy between pursuers and withdrawers Sponsored Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code IDO for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We hate absolutes, but are pretty confident in saying that every relationship has a pursuer and a withdrawer. In this two part series we are breaking down each of these roles, how to help, how to love, how to communicate. And if there are two podcasts you listen to of ours let this be them! In this episode, we discuss: The protective moves that withdrawers gravitate towards How withdrawers handle conflict How we can love our withdrawer partners more How there is a different energy between pursuers and withdrawers Sponsored Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code IDO for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive through what it means to be relational over being right. We've heard it said before that you can be right or you can be in a relationship. Which is so hard when you like being right as much as we all do! We also dig through how we get so focused on the content of the conversation but how the process is really what is important. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Focusing on how vs what Understanding emotional needs Effective Communication Strategies Why we are not pavlov’s dogs and more! Sponsored Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code IDO for 40% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today's episode Colter, Lauren and Cayla Bozovich explore the relationship between emotional needs and actionable requests in the context of individuation. They discuss how recognizing individual differences and pairing emotional needs with specific requests can enhance communication and connection in relationships. The episode highlights practical strategies for navigating common relational challenges, emphasizing the importance of understanding and negotiating needs. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Understanding Individuation Emotional Needs vs. Actionable Requests Raw Spots and Their Influence Negotiation and Boundaries Effective Communication Strategies and more! Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter Bloxham, Lauren Mokery, and Caleb Bozovich explore the concept of the "Window of Tolerance," a framework developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. They discuss its importance in maintaining emotional regulation and improving relationships. The hosts delve into how understanding this concept can help navigate stress, build resilience, and foster healthier interpersonal dynamics. In this episode we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Window of Tolerance Overview Emotional Regulation Fight, Flight, Freeze Impulses Triggers and Resources Relational Applications Practical Tools Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Episode Links Thrive Therapy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren sit down with the long-running Relationship Advice podcast host Chase Kosterlitz as he reflects on ten years of hosting, sharing key lessons/insights about relationships and emphasizing the importance of friendships and somatic practices for personal growth and relational well-being. In this episode we discuss topics that include: Chase's Reflections on Hosting Attachment Styles Effective Communication Balance in Relationships Friendships and Support Networks Therapeutic and Somatic Practices Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode introduces the foundations of a healthy relationship through four key pillars. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren use relatable examples, such as navigating differing preferences in dance lessons or understanding the dynamic between pursuers and withdrawers, to illustrate these concepts. They emphasize the importance of shared language, emotional safety, and empathy in building deeper connections. Rather than prescribing rigid rules, the episode advocates for learning and practicing relational skills through therapy and real-life experiences. In this episode we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Emotional Regulation / Window of Tolerance Recognizing/Breaking Negative Cycles Vulnerability Emotional Connection Roles of Boundaries Building Skills Through Practice Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we sit down with licensed therapists and our incoming Relationship Advice hosts Colter, Cayla, and Lauren to talk about the "protective moves," or behaviors people exhibit during conflict to shield themselves emotionally or regain a sense of control in relationships. These 3 are experienced therapists specializing in attachment, trauma, and anxiety, explore how these moves—like defensiveness, criticism, passive aggressiveness, avoidance, or over explaining—are common yet often disconnecting strategies. Key Points Include: Understanding Protective Moves Examples and Intentions Origins and Patterns Moving Through Conflict Building Resources The hosts emphasized that while protective moves are natural, fostering awareness and understanding can transform them from barriers to bridges in relationships. They closed by advocating for patience, self-compassion, and communication to navigate these dynamics effectively. Sponsors: Quince, this holiday season, give the gift of luxury without the luxury price tag with Quince. Enjoy free shipping on your order and hassle-free 365-day returns at QUINCE.COM/IDO. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is a real treat as I have a wide ranging conversation with Diego Perez, aka, Yung Pueblo. Listen to today's show for valuable insights and tools to improve your life and relationships today. In this episode with Diego Perez we discuss relationship advice topics that include: What to do if you feel your partner is not self aware The importance of being loosely attached to your views while in conversation Why the ego loves sameness Diego's writing process and where he draws inspiration from How to create more depth in your relationship Tools for nervous system regulation And much more! Sponsored BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Start living a happier life today and get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com/IDO. Osea is your one stop shop for everything related to great quality skincare. From December 12th to the 18th get Free 2-Day Shipping on orders $150+ and an additional 10% off when using the code "IDO10"! #OSEAPartner Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The pursuit of happiness is one of the most talked about topics in the self-help world and life in general. What does it mean to be happy? Perhaps the pursuit of happiness is actually just a myth and what we really want to be looking for is joy and contentment. Listen to today's show for important questions to ask yourself and tools to discover what real happiness means. In this episode with Shawn Léon Nowotnik we discuss relationship advice topics that include: The importance of creating meaning in your life and relationships The commercialization of happiness and how it can lead you down the wrong path Tools to discover your most authentic self and live authentically Challenging the idea that you have to be perfect What to do when you feel like you have everything and still are not happy And much more! Sponsored Quince, this holiday season, give the gift of luxury without the luxury price tag with Quince. Enjoy free shipping on your order and hassle-free 365-day returns at QUINCE.COM/IDO. Osea is your one stop shop for everything related to great quality skincare. From December 12th to the 18th get Free 2-Day Shipping on orders $150+ and an additional 10% off when using the code "IDO10"! #OSEAPartner Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Navigating a relationship where you or your partner suffers from chronic pain can be very challenging. Listen to today's show to learn more about healing your chronic pain and how to support your partner on their journey while maintaining a healthy relationship. In this episode with Bonnie Lester we discuss relationship advice topics that include: The biological, social and physical impacts of pain Using neuroplasticity tools and exercises for chronic pain reduction The importance of developing a language around pain Keys to healing and improving chronic pain How to support a partner with chronic pain Navigating the economic challenges of chronic pain And much more! Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people have experienced anxiety at some point in their lives. For some, anxiety can be frequent and debilitating. No matter the levels of anxiety you experience, we could all benefit from calmer, more peaceful states of being. Listen to today's show to learn how to heal your anxiety and thrive in your life and relationships. In this episode with Dr. Nicole Cain we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Understanding the different features of anxiety to help heal them Four actionable steps to move through anxiety with proven effectiveness Why it's important to get out of your logical brain to heal anxiety Reclaiming your agency to help cope with anxiety Bridging the gap between the mind and the body to heal your anxiety Breathwork exercises to help with anxiety How to reprogram yourself to break the cycle of anxiety And much more! Sponsored BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Start living a happier life today and get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com/IDO. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today's wide ranging conversation, Dr. Jenn and Chase discuss why you might want to rethink who you follow on social media, how your relationships will evolve and how to have difficult conversations. Listen to today's show for valuable relationship insights and tools you can start using today! In this episode with Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Why the early stages of a relationship can be so easy compared to longer term relating Recognizing if you are serial monogamist and what to do about it Social media's negative impact on your relationship and unfollowing exes How to be more vulnerable in all of your relationships Bringing up difficult conversations with your partner and how to do it effectively And much more! Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Codependency can feel difficult to navigate whether it's you or your partner displaying codependent behaviors. Listen to today's show for valuable tips and insights into dealing with the difficult emotions codependency can cause and start learning how to heal today! In this episode with Dr. Nicholas Jenner we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Traits of codependency and the different types of codependents Why people may develop codependency How to begin healing your codependency or support a codependent partner Working toward personal autonomy in a relationship while still feeling safe How to examine your childhood to heal and grow through codependency The importance of setting boundaries in a codependent relationship And much more! Sponsored BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Start living a happier life today and get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com/IDO. FIELD OF GREENS is a whole, organic fruit and vegetable supplement that provides real nutrition to support energy, sleep, and overall health. Go to FieldsOfGreen.com and use promo code "IDO" to get 15% off your first order and FREE rush shipping. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love is a verb and so is intimacy. It takes practice and dedication to have a thriving, intimate relationship. Listen to today's show to learn actionable tips to grow a deep connection in your relationship today! In this episode with Dr. Joy Berkheimer we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Dealing with perfectionist blocks to intimacy How to access your full pleasure Communication tips for a thriving sex life and relationship What to do if you're not feeling desired in your relationship Normalizing sexual behaviors And much more! Sponsored Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are many factors that influence how we think, act and feel about sexuality. Understanding these factors can help us improve our relationships with our own sexuality and those we are intimate with. Listen to today's show for valuable insights and actionable tips! In this episode with Danielle Savory we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Understanding what is going on in your brain around sexuality Deconstructing the 'should' of sex and other cultural misinformation How to communicate and deal with if you or your partner are "too tired to have sex" Why you should start planning and scheduling sex with your partner How to be OK with disappointing your partner or others Standing up for yourself if you're a people pleaser And much more! Sponsored Quince is committed to making exceptionally high-quality essentials available at a price within reach. Because everyone deserves to fill their life with the finer things. Go to QUINCE.COM/IDO for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of what is talked about in the relationship space, including this podcast, involves the psychological side of relationships. However, a huge part of personal development can come from learning to regulate your nervous system and become more embodied. Listen to today's show for valuable tips and insights to begin this part of your journey. In this episode with Karden Rabin we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Analyzing the sensations in our body to regulate emotions How to transform your fight or flight response with embodiment exercises The practice of finding your body when you're losing your mind The benefit of approaching your healing through the body instead of always through the mind Recognizing the signs of cumulative stress in your body How to break the habit of overactive defense mechanisms And much more! Sponsored Amazfit is your own personal health management expert on your wrist. Head over to AMAZFIT.COM/IDO to get 15% off with the promo code "IDO". Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Chase & Sarah Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices